So when this video would like tonight Welcome back Karen once again and we're going to have what I hope
you gonna find to be quite an interesting conversation here.
All right.
Now in this conversation it might seem like I'm being a little bit hard and current All right but what
I'm going to do is integrate the model that I presented you with in the last video or this kind of five
levels of human experience if you like and relate these five levels no to how it is that current is
experiencing her issue challenge for it.
No the last conversation we had was was quite a tough one wasn't it in the end.
Not that that was planned because it certainly wasn't planned.
It just it just kind of came up and we've looked at your issue through the eyes of you know feelings
and facts and faith and we know what you want more off we know what you're hoping for more off in the
future.
But a fact just kind of arose in the last conversation didn't it.
It did.
Yeah.
What was his fact.
I don't want to put words in your mouth you know.
And the fact is that the reason why I don't push myself to do more in public speaking or events or connecting
with people on a deeper level is it's through my own apathy and rather than my lack of confidence.
So your lack of apathy.
What what does this actually mean to really start breaking it down.
We want to know the old saying more northerly an enemy.
All right.
This is kind of the purpose of this of this this conversation about really knowing the enemy.
All right.
So that we can get foundation for building upon and ultimately overcoming it.
So that actually means that much of the time I will avoid situations that make me feel uncomfortable.
So Charles such as public speaking such as speaking up in group situations
such as perhaps dealing with issues within relationships equate the tough conversations to have stretch
myself where I feel uncomfortable I'll avoid situations like that rather than face up to them.
And I blame that on lack of confidence and trying some of these new things I've never done this before.
But actually it's my own laziness to put myself in that situation too and to want to generally want
to do something about it.
I've avoided it rather than that rather than doing it.
So seems to me that the main issue is this feeling of being uncomfortable.
Yes it does seem that's the main issue though we go there within around about two minutes.
Well I would like us to do know if it's OK with you is just explore this feeling of you being uncomfortable
just first and foremost from a very very physical practical angle.
I mean could you put your hand whereby you experienced this discomfort this uncomfortableness on a physical
level and all this is really doing is just acknowledging that the mind and body are one.
So granted Curry might be feeling uncomfortable in our heart or spirit or whatever but you're going
to be feeling it somewhere your physical body as well.
So sometimes this can be massively insightful for people sometimes not at all.
All right.
But just put your hand where does you feel uncomfortable.
We are focusing on getting open that you want to get in here.
Your stomach and your stomach is just talk about it.
What a what is it.
Name and shame it northern enemy and is like a tense feeling tension tension mounts stress and
uptight uptight Yeah a little bit angst perhaps a little bit angst.
Yeah well you know is more of a feeling because something might be quite difficult to separate the two.
So when you're physical with a physical body.
Yeah that's just down here it's a little bit tightness or something but it kind of flows over into something
else doesn't it.
So this no rules over into how you emotionally experience this and how we're done here we'll look at
the five levels of human experience who started off in a physical we're now going to look at the emotional.
Then we're going to step up a level and look at what Kahn's thinking about not feeling.
So we move move away from the feelings what she's thinking about then we simply look at the choices
that she's making volitional and then what are those that she's ultimately believing and where these
choices are coming from in terms of how she relates to herself and who she believes she is and what
is belief is capable off on a spirit level.
All right.
You with me.
Yeah.
You see where we're going here.
Yeah.
OK.
So if we've come from this come from the from the physical you know emotional How is he emotionally
experience us.
Emotion is is angst angst worry angst worry and stress angst worry stress.
Yes.
So there's sort of no named and shamed the angst the worry and the stress.
Now this is where many people stop you know you are anxious you're you you're not you have angst you
are stressed.
Let me give you some medication and then send you on your way.
That's the approach that some people take.
But as a coach what I want to assume is that every effect has a cause that's the cause and effect.
So what I want to Luca know is where these emotions are coming from.
Right.
So the angst and the worry and the stress about what specifically about what about this is no look in
on a rational level what you're thinking.
I want to share with you a really cool model surely just to help you to envision an approach visualize
what's was happening here as we're doing this demonstration and I'm thinking I can't do that.
What else.
That won't go well won't go well.
No what else you think of jihad.
That's too hard.
Oh that just kind of works for the apathy there.
Yeah.
It doesn't it.
What else
you can't do that.
You can't do this.
Yeah.
So no let's just get you know put em out and get your hands on your shoulders like a one finger each.
Right.
So have the remember the little angel a little devil.
All right.
If you were to to tap the shoulder the little devil speaking from the window.
All right.
OK.
Snow Quinn low double speak in tap the shoulder so you know which one it's coming from.
OK little devil as in you can't do this you can't do this you can't do this.
So does this sound you can do this.
What else is saying.
And that's too hard it's too hard you're not enough you're not enough.
You know what does that mean.
You can't.
It's the same as you can't do that really.
You're not good enough to do that.
You're know you fail you're not qualified enough you're not skilled enough on that thing.
Yeah yeah.
Yeah that's pretty much it was premature.
OK.
That's fine.
So you know we're listening to this voice.
All right.
What are we doing about it.
What choices are you actively making.
As you listen to that voice This is about you know taking responsibility for the part that you're playing
in the process.
It's all about responsibility.
People are we cannot move beyond the problem until we have owned it right until a problem has an order
a problem cannot be over come.
All right.
And this is where coaching is very very different from conventional therapy and counseling and all this
kind of stuff could be a little bit more focus a little bit more directed.
And then avoid those are often avoid the challenge.
You will avoid the challenge.
So you choose to avoid the challenge.
Yeah.
And I'll pick something else first you'll pick something I'll change my focus.
Change your focus.
You will.
Such as.
Instead of focusing any longer on that challenge I'll become busy with something else.
We move on to something else redirect your focus.
Yeah like an avoidance strategy.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Are sometimes like if Sam say I'm in an event and I mean I'm involved I might just withdraw the words
withdraw.
Yeah.
This was I mean practically like not not speak up as much as I might want to see when I speak up.
You just go quiet.
Yeah yeah.
Let other people engage and do the talking did hard work.
OK.
So it seems like we're getting clear now we're understanding we're understanding the enemy.
Yeah a little bit on a London for purpose.
Holding back and withdrawing and avoiding
his meeting what was the goal.
What is the purpose when you are avoiding or withdrawing.
Holding back.
Were you trying to achieve
a heart level and spiritual level that you have a goal that would be a goal.
There's a there's a goal there's a positive intention behind every behavior.
This is an idea that is shared right back at the start of course.
So here is when a look at what the positive intention is what is the positive intention.
Of course one helpful behaviors.
Yes.
What is the positive intention.
The positive intention is that I don't want to do any harm or do any damage.
Do not do any harm or do any damage.
What do you mean by that.
Like for example if I were to speak up and make a fool of myself and make a for you for example then
that would be awful.
So.
OK.
Better to to know it was better to say nothing than speak up and and be imperfect and do damage.
Yeah.
Yeah it's quite a it's quite kind of makes sense doesn't it.
It does make sense.
So just go and just get clear on what you actually want.
So that's kind of like her like a negative motivation isn't it.
Yeah.
So then you're trying to protect him or prevent this from happening.
So we focus no on what you actually want.
We actually do want us what you don't want yet but if we focus on what you do want instead.
Yeah.
Is to to speak up and offer my own experience.
So you want to do.
But what is it was the goal.
Was the goal
offer a value to add value.
And why would this be important.
For what purpose.
In this life is pretty meaningless and might some day.
So life is pretty meaningless unless your ardent people follow you in some way.
And what is it what what is your value.
I think we touched on this a few videos within we.
Yeah our value is my own experience and I know and lessons learned the lessons learned that have come
through our own life experiences.
What we've learned along the way.
OK cool.
So and so this is what you actually want to do.
So Karen wants to share.
You want to share your value.
You want to be valuable for other people.
You ultimately want to make a difference a positive impact in other people's lives.
Which is a good goal.
So in order to fulfill this goal.
All right.
What is it that you're no most choose to do
I must know choose to
to to push myself and to and to do these uncomfortable things like
and I go for more events.
I choose to speak up choose to what's gonna happen if you don't.
Nothing will change.
Oh my confidence won't grow anymore.
So if you don't change something nothing will change.
Yeah okay so in terms of in terms of you know the thinking what what is it then.
Because you've got we've got these two voices.
You've got the little devil who is telling you some stuff but there's most likely gonna be a little
voice and there's some somewhere that's telling you something else.
You just put your finger on the shoulder and what what.
Without a voice be telling you that voice says You you can't do it you're you have value to offer no
value to oversee how value to offer is not a fact there is a feeling or is that just a nice idea.
It's a fact that as beings have had experiences in life that I can offer.
So this.
This is an absolute an absolute fact.
Let's just look at a few examples of this so we can really nail it down some value.
Let's just look at some things in life that you've actually done well some things you've actually got
going for you.
You can you can share with other people.
Yeah let's just have this a few examples so we know what we're seeing here is true.
Yeah.
My God.
I know I have value to offer in and being married and that I'm in a marriage it's working zero healthy
marriage yet.
So your marriage works just as well isn't it.
All right so you've got some value to offer there from some lessons learned.
Yep.
Mistakes made.
Yep.
Cool.
Have any of the mistakes you've made in the past cost you your marriage.
No.
OK.
So you let the tell the tale there.
Yes.
So there'll be one level of insight that you can share with other ladies who are perhaps you know struggling
in their marriages or wanting to build stronger better marriages and I'm guessing they're kind of just
relationship principles are they.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
These are relationship principles that can perhaps be applied to different aspects and areas of life.
Yeah.
Even those people lose who are perhaps single or in business or pioneering new social business initiatives.
Yeah.
I mean I guess if you can make a marriage right then it's about making any relationship work.
So it's just a partnership.
It could be a business it could be running an organization it could be leading managing a team it could
be anything good.
It could be.
So you've learned some principles you know you've learned some lessons.
You know you've got a relationship here that works.
See this is a fact.
This is definitely some value you can offer.
Yeah.
Anything else.
Me That's a pretty good starting point.
Yeah.
So having lost my dad quite a young age and I withdrew from life and have gradually learned over the
years to be able to connect better and
I guess not live life in that way anymore not be withdrawn and isolated which I was for so many years.
And I know that many people live life in that way.
And so I can help how people can act in a better level.
I guess so far for many people I am lost to that to that extreme can sometimes feel like a fool stop.
Yeah.
And for many people yes.
But it doesn't seem to be for you it's just going to be like a commoner like a coma.
Can I maybe slow you down for a few years but certainly didn't stop here and I certainly didn't kill
you.
I didn't know that if I wasn't killed you that meant that means that it's something that you've grown
to.
Yeah and you've grown through it.
And if you've grown through it then in order to make a difference in other people's lives you only ever
need to be one of three steps ahead which means that you're more than qualified to guide other people
through the same process.
It's interesting isn't it.
Yeah.
Just look at the facts right.
The facts are sometimes very different and the feelings only they are.
Yeah.
And actually I've never really unpacked the what I why I think the value is that I can offer.
So just looking at a very very superficial level I know that.
And the coach and practitioner of course would really unpack this and a lot more depth.
But to give you a really grounded taster here I am just thinking in this way and just know looking at
the facts of the value you actually have to offer you're more than qualified to share this stuff rationally
you understand this this makes sense and I just make you feel emotionally and I feel excited and empowered
excited empowered.
And how does this differ from angst and tense and and less polar opposite polar opposite.
Interesting isn't it.
I guess in the negative more patients of the polar opposite of positive motivations as well.
When we focus sometimes on what we don't want we're going to experience life in a very different way
if we're going to experience life if we're focusing on what we actually do want.
Yeah yeah.
It's interesting isn't it.
Yeah.
So in terms of know when you're feeling this excitement and as you look forward to this world which
experience the physically it's also on my stomach source and you see kind of the same sort of places
where the angst was originally coming from.
But no that's no longer there no thanks it's not there is it's more like I guess you could say butterflies
like excitement and go yeah.
And what we've just had there my friend is a complete shift in perspective.
And that's pretty much all that we would use this model for a parent perfect example.
All right.
But we use these.
We use this this model these five levels of human experience simply when we're having a conversation
with a client to meet them where they're up first and foremost when they're talking about and you know
this come far Torrance they're always going to be talking about an emotional sensation of half that's
going to come with you know a physical consequence we start the conversation there then we'll look at
how the clients experience in life physically emotionally what's happening and rationally what they're
thinking about the choices that they're making you know why they're making those choices what needs
on a spiritual higher level is going to drive in these decisions which we know is always going to be
of a goal is this negative by by nature then we flip things around like what I've just done this and
we'll wrap this video up for no let's take a five minute break and then we'll jump back in and have
a deconstruction just talk about what's just happened and then you can share this experience with all
the good people at home okay Fantastic.
We'll be fine this interesting and we'll see you again in the next clip we're gonna unpack this demonstration
and just hopefully help you to appreciate what we're just just done here.